How I stopped sabotaging myself — for good.

It’s funny how many among us think they are doing the best they can to improve their lives when they actually aren’t.

That was me, before the whole Covid-19 situation, before the lockdown — before I was forced to cohabit with my thoughts and thought I was going crazy by the day.

Do you find yourself in what I’m describing?

Good. Because I’m about to explain to you just how I learned to be at peace with my mind, to shut my brain down, to stop screwing up and — to start doing stuff that matters to me to the core.

We all have our past and demons, and some power through the difficulties of their mind with more dexterity than others. The power of the mind is a mysterious, powerful thing.

My childhood was not the happiest and I’ve always felt like escaping a family that I felt pressuring and careless at the same time. On top of that, I never felt like I belonged in any part of society.

My teenage years crunched me down, then university time, carrying me on a troubled, lost life flow. My dreams appeared inaccessible and I was filled with hatred towards those who seemed more successful than me and the family that was lodged in social mediocrity and withdrawal.

All until the 2020 lockdown.

I am a professional makeup artist, copywriter, and content writer. I built my life around art and I am one of those people who used to think that art is worth suffering for.

I trained, I got certified, I wrote, I painted on faces. And I pressured myself — a lot.

All this time, I was harsh with myself and would self-victimize a lot. Would I not find jobs, this would be the fault of the industry that did not pay enough. Or that of people who didn’t want to take the time to understand all the painstaking effort molten into my art.

When in reality, I would not keep up with my commitments and the more time passed, the deeper a hole I dug for my creativity.

Until I stopped sabotaging myself.

It took me a few days, in the middle of the lockdown, to ponder over what I like to do in life, to the very core.

I asked myself — and answered truthfully: “What do you like to do?”.

I easily found a meaning to my life, and as soon as I put my finger on what makes me verily vibrate, I stopped sabotaging myself.

How can you do the same?

Ask yourself “What is the verb that defines my life and what I like to do?”.

My verb is “share”.

Ask yourself if you’re a social person or if you’d rather stay on your own.

Ask yourself what truly makes you happy, almost meditative, when you do it.

Ask yourself the right questions. The ones that society did not teach you to ask yourself.

And that’s okay.

Now is more than an appropriate time to upgrade your visions of life.

I stopped sabotaging myself when I found out that what makes me truly happy. What brings me into a state of suspension in time and space.

What makes me happy is sharing from afar — like writing this blog, today, so you can turn your mindset around just like I did.

I stopped sabotaging myself when I found my meaning — when I found what I could control, and learned to accept the things I have no impact on.

Try it.

You can only improve.

Because when you’re sad, tired, dispassionate, and down — the only way is up.

I am Ibtissam El Azami, a London-based copywriter, content writer, and blogger. I am equally a certified fashion & beauty makeup artist.

For years, I was stuck in non-improvement and in a regressive state of mind. I found a way out of the darkness to learn how to enjoy my life and freedom to the fullest.